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2020, All That Live Inside

by Nilgün Özer

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1.
today is... ok 04:16
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Today is okay But I know I had better days There is this old tape Rolling in my head day and night Hiding it all Fighting alone Carrying 'round this burden to loan on myself When I finally belong to myself To myself To myself Upon the lonesome brutal town Curling up inside our filthy lawn Limits of life they say Oh my It doesn't ring any bell from far Layers of thoughts In my mind Getting around Like a wolf on the hunt I'm running along Breaking my mind then taping them all Picking up the fallen pieces to loan on myself When I finally belong to myself To myself To myself Five four three two one Don't get out of line Go for a little run Hey Upon the lonesome brutal town Curling up inside our filthy lawn Limits of life they say Oh my It doesn't ring any bell from far Upon the lonesome brutal town Curling up inside our filthy lawn Limits of life they say Oh my It doesn't ring any bell from far It doesn't ring any bell from far It doesn't ring any bell from far
2.
love story in quarantine times 03:20
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I think I saw you walking Across the crosswalk In the middle of the street God knows there's no fear anymore That cars would come and sweep us all under I think I saw you with a man Coffee in your hand Logo of a house I know Trying to know you But it's not right anymore To stand still for too long This is a love story in quarantine times This is a love story in quarantine times For now, I'm just hanging there to survive Not get into anyone's way I couldn't see your face anyway The mask only gave the brown of your eyes away It's crazy times We're lost in the dark Collectively traumatized Do you see them too? The shapes on your ceiling Cracks in your walls This is a love story in quarantine times This is a love story in quarantine times Then I saw you across my apartment Watering your plants in your balcony I never pegged you as a plant man Well I waved at you and said I like cactuses and succulents and All the other living things You said I like 'em too Would you like to Have some tea across my balcony At your own 'Cause like Social distancing This is a love story in quarantine times This is a love story in quarantine times This is a love story in quarantine times This is a love story in quarantine times
3.
lights of the sun 02:43
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Oh my love Can you see the roses bloom in winter? And I don't know whether to get scared or be mesmerized Be mesmerized We spin 'round and 'round 'till our heads can't get enough Then we close our eyes while we crazy laugh I look at the tree that sees the sea You just take my pinky while I climb the tree And we're here And we hear And we hear (I heard them talking at my back ) And we hear (I heard them laughing at my head ) I heard them talking at my back I heard them laughing at my head Oh how long Are you gonna keep on driving on the same road So long you've put on the brakes to your happy ending rainbow I heard them talking at my back (I heard them laughing at my head) I'm looking at the sky My head held high Waiting for the feel of raindrops on my face Waiting for the flowers in my pocket to grow I'm done But I feel the lights of the sun Oh lights of the sun Lights of the sun
4.
love again 03:13
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I see you're all right I am just fine I know there's a lot to say But now I can at least laugh But I I will come around No, I won't let you down I guess I'm just confused about myself Maybe there's a chance I can find it somewhere else. Not at the bottom of a bottle But At the top of my battles Maybe I can Go alone on my way to my sorrow There's another chance to get it all alone Maybe there's been a lot To say hello But I don't know I don't know What to What to do What to do Maybe I'll get a chance Maybe I'll get lucky Enough to love again Love again Alive again
5.
alive again 03:50
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Oh no I'm not here entirely Couple of minutes late in time I've fallen out of it So time isn't right Just like me baby We could fly and get far away Maybe we could sail across the sea Maybe we would feel Alive again Calling me out The darkness within me Like an enemy Waiting for me to fall out So that I won't stand out By keeping my balance on the clouds I think my feet are dangling Also with my psychology Hanging from a tree I need to feel Alive again This is me screaming I've had enough It's time to grow up Hold me to your chest I'm scared I don't know what's going on With this broken world or bruised bodies inside I wanna feel alive again Feel alive I'm so tired of living In this mess Going through this test is Curling my inside out of myself Time isn't right Our minds are thought to behave In dangerous ways We could fly and get far away Maybe we could sail across the sea Maybe we would feel Alive again

about

This EP was a result of letting go of all the plans I had and just doing music that I felt like I needed to make at different points in 2020. Through the end of the year after taking a look at these songs I've realized I made this storyline that depicts the emotions that I went through in 2020. My brain started connecting the puzzles and unlike my previous releases, I felt more of a need to visualize these songs. Every song represents one emotion.
The journey starts with "today is... ok" representing depression. Then, goes to "love story in quarantine times" which is about love, an unexpected spark that leaves us wonderstruck. We find "lights of the sun" with its optimistic tunes. Continuing with "love again" which tells the story of unrequited love, the hope of finding love again after a broken heart. Lastly, we find acceptance with "alive again". I'm not content with how things are going but I've learned to let go of my control-freak tendencies and make the best of whatever I'm going through. I'm still struggling every day to do this but I think I got the gist of it.

credits

released December 31, 2020

Written, performed, recorded, and produced by Nilgün Özer in her bedroom laid across the year that leaves nothing to the imagination.

Artwork: Nilgun Ozer

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Nilgün Özer Ankara, Turkey

I like cats and can't live without my guitars and pencils. That's basically it.
Oh and i make music.

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